Soul Eater Goes To-A Hilarious Oneshot Collection!
by c0llide-with-the-sky
Summary: What ensues when Soul Eater has to complete normal tasks such as buying groceries at Stop & Shop, heading to the mall and renting movies? HINT: a combination of sugar, motorcycles and, well, Patty, can never end well.
1. Chapter 1: Stop & Shop

**What happens when Soul, Maka and company go out grocery shopping to a *hint hint* sugar filled, uncool, book-filled and asymmetrical Stop & Shop? Read and find out! :D**

**Disclaimer: me no own Soul Eatah, the sickening quality chips of Utz, or the sexual store known as Stop & Shop.**

"God Maka, why am I even needed here?" Soul groaned, flipping his spiky white hair out of his eyes.

"Because," she started patiently, "Certain people who will remain unnamed-"

"BLACK*STAR," added Liz helpfully.

"Yeah, him," Maka agreed. "Have been complaining about what is bought, so we all have to come grocery shopping together this time, and get what we all want." He rolled his eyes and Patty giggled.

The group finally reached the inside of the store.

"Ohhh can I pick a cart?" giggled Patty happily.

"Yeah sure, just don't-"Maka was cut off as she smashed the nearest cart into a pyramid stack of soup cans.

"Do that," Maka blew air out of her mouth, already exasperated.

"PATTY, YOU RUINED THE SYMMETRICALLY STACKED CANS!" Kid yelled, attracting glares from nearby customers.

"Oh, sorry!" she said, still giggling.

"HA! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME! I'LL SURPASS GOD!" screamed Black*Star at random shoppers. They looked on in fear, which probably only fueled Black*Star's shouting.

"Stop shouting dammit!" Soul said, sticking his hands in his pockets. Tsubaki finally suggested everyone calm down and read the list of stuff that had been anonymously listed earlier that morning. Everyone looked on except for Kid, who was frantically trying to stack the soup cans back into a symmetrical formation.

_cotton candy_

_frozen pizza_

_Chips (ONLY GET LAYS! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT UTZ! AVOID THEIR SICKENING QUALITY!)_

_pasta sauce (exactly eight cans, please)_

_taco shells/fixings_

_peeps_

_I really don't care_

_beer_

"Ok. Nice list," Tsubaki started. "How about me and Black*Star go get the frozen pizza, Liz and Patty, the cotton candy and peeps cuz I'm guessing that's you, and Soul and Maka, chips and beer? And avoid Utz, apparently?" she suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Soul replied. "K, Maka, let's go. And I'm making you get the beer, considering its most likely your dad's pick." Maka gave him a death glare, and called out to Kid.

"Kid, you okay getting those pasta sauces you need when you finish stacking other cans? And watch out, people will think you work here or something."

"Yep, just a sec…ok, they're perfect!" everyone rolled their eyes, and started off on their search.

"Yikes, its freezing in this isle!" Tsubaki commented, rubbing her bare arms. Of course, Black*Star threw his head back, almost hitting the handle of a door holding frozen foods, and laughed.

"Not too cold for a big man like me!" anyone else would have rolled their eyes, but she just smiled.

"Ok, hmm…pizza, where is that again?" he asked. "Hey, maybe we should ask that guy! He looks like he works here!"

"Let's just avoid, ya know, human contact before you scare any more patrons. Hey, there's the pizza!" They walked over and pulled the door open, which turned out to be a huge mistake. Several dozen pizza boxes came crashing out of the freezer right onto Black*Star's face.

"Tryna attack me, huh?" he challenged after pushing the food off. "Well good luck! You can't beat a big man like me! Tsubaki, weapon form!"

"Uh, Black*Star, they're just pizza boxes. I don't think you can fight them…" Tsubaki commented.

"Hmph! Maybe not with weapons, but-" he grinned and started jumping on the innocent pizza boxes.

"Black*Star…sometimes I don't know about you…"

"Soul. Soul! I just realized something!" Maka called out to the scythe.

"Ugh, what is it?" he said, turning reluctantly. "I just wanna get through this as fast as possible."

"Well, are we even old enough to buy beer?" he was quiet for a second.

"No. No we're not. And we're also not very bright, either."

"Whatever, let's just go get the stupid taco and chips and stuff."

After walking down a few isles, they found chips and cotton candy right next to each other.

"Liz and Patty should be here soon, unless they already came. Now, was the flavor of chips specified?" Maka asked, staring intently.

_Didn't know chip buying was such a deep process,_ Soul thought to himself.

"Just get regular or something, everybody likes…" his voice trailed off. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"  
"Like, a giggling. From that room. Ya know the ones that say 'Employees Only? We should check it out, it sounds like Patty." He didn't wait for her to join in.

She sighed. _It says employees only for a reason._

When they reached the room, Patty was sitting there, stuffing her face with cotton candy and scribbling a deformed giraffe on the shop room floor.

"PATTY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "Soul yelled. "And where is Liz?"

"Oh, sis was chasing after Kid last time I saw her…he was screaming at a big man about asymmetrical cold cut slices or something." Maka face palmed, which she seemed to be doing a lot of lately.

Liz was currently failing at finding Kid after getting him away from the deli worker who looked suspiciously like Sid.

"Kid!" she called out. "Kid, where are you?!" she was about to give up, until she turned a corner and smashed right into him.

_Brace yourself…_

"LIZ! I HAD THESE POP TART BOXES COMPLETELY STACKED ACCORDING TO FLAVOR, COLOR AND CALORIE COUNT! PERFECT SYMMETRY, TOO! EIGHT ROWS! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"

"Kid, calm down! You're attracting attention from shoppers!" Liz tried hopelessly.

"It's no use," Kid said, and sank to the floor. "I'm garbage! Worthless, asymmetrical garbage that doesn't deserve to live!" he sobbed, and pounded the floor.

"That's it." Liz groaned, feeling like screaming too. "I'm gonna go help Black-"

"YAHOOOO!"

Soul, Maka, Patty, Black*Star, Tsubaki and a man trying to keep a firm grip on all of them came around the corner of the shelf. The Stop & Shop employee said,

"Ma'am, did you come in with these people?"

"Sadly, yes."

"I'm going to have to ask you and your group to leave. And stay at least one mile away from the store until further notice."

**Well I hope you liked that as much as me and my sis did :) If you review, I'll let you sneak into Kid's closet and make everything asymmetrical! Sounds fun right? :D**

**Thank yawl for reading! And Happy Thanksgiving! xP**


	2. Chapter 2: Sears

**SO Soul Eater is going to Sears for no apparent reason!**

**Stuff I don't own: Soul Eater, Sears**

**Stuff I DO own: this hilarious one shot collection (NOT TO BRAG BUT)**

**Here we go! ^^**

"No offense Maka, but didn't we learn our lesson last time we went out publicly?" Tsubaki said tentatively.

"Yeah, which is why we're gonna try again," she said, wheeling a large cart with the Sears label into the store.

"Ok, here we are," she said as they were in the center of the store. "We never really specified what we need to buy, but let's just split up, partners with miesters, and look around." Everyone agreed to that, and since Marie and Spirit didn't have partners, they decided to go together.

_Meanwhile, while Kid was in an INCREDIBLY asymmetrical Sears…_

"Kid, why are you looking through women's clothing?" Patty asked, eyes wide.

"Because," he replied patiently. "They're disgusting, asymmetrically organized! And that needs to be fixed!" Liz rolled her eyes while staring at her nails.

"Kid, stop grabbing bras! People are gonna think you're a pervert!" Liz cried, attracting _tsks_ and glares from other customers.

"It's for the SYMMETRY! WE'RE HELPING PEOPLE! Wait a second, where did Patty go?"

"You lost her?!"

"YOU lost her! You said you were gonna keep an eye on her!"

"Well-" they heard an unmistakable giggling coming from the inside of the clothing rack.

"Patty, we need you! Come out of there!" suddenly, clothes came shooting out from all directions, ruining Kid's symmetrical design.

This was going to immediately get ugly.

_At that same time, Crona was shopping alone in an aisle_…

"Ow, Ragnarok, that hurts! Stop pulling my hair!" Crona cried, rubbing his arms.

"I want some freaking candy!" he shouted back. "Jeez, you're bad at shopping! Who thought it was a good idea to leave you alone in a public place?"

"It's not my fault!" he said, turning his head up to the ceiling. "Can you make that sound stop? It's scary!" he said, and fell into the nearest corner.

"It's called screamo music, dummy! NOW GET ME SOME CANDY!"

_And while this was happening, we can't forget about Spirit and Marie…_

"Spirit, I think we're lost!" Marie said, biting her lip.

"We're not lost, we're just going a different way!" he replied, grinning.

"In the women's lingerie section?" she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, are we here? My mistake…"

**10 minutes later**

"SPIRIT, YOU PERVERT!"

'I swear, I didn't mean to end up here! We were…lost! Yeah, lost!" he yelled.

'HOW DID YOU GET FROM SEARS TO THE PORN SECTION IN FYE?"

"Well, we are in a mall…"

_Let's check in on our favorite narcissistic miester…_

"Ugh! Tsubaki, I don't understand where we're even going! We are only aimlessly walking around here in this stupid…Kid, why are you looking through women's underwear…?" Black*Star asked.

"He's 'making it symmetrical' apparently," Liz replied, winking.

"And I wouldn't have had to start over if PATTY hadn't have ruined it!"

"I think we should just wait outside now…"Tsubaki suggested.

"Nah, I wanna hang out with Kid over here!" Black*Star said, grinning. Tsubaki and Liz sighed, and walked off together, out of Sears and deeper into the mall to get ice cream.

_And finally, the two main characters who feel the need to bring the cast of Soul Eater to random department stores, Soul and Maka…_

"Hey Soul?" Maka said, poking him on the shoulder.

"Huh?"

"I think my dad is buying beer somewhere or something…I can't sense his or Marie's souls, at least not in this store…"

"He's probably buying porn or something," Soul replied. "Now, are you gonna buy anything or just wander around here all day?"

"No, I guess we should go wait for everyone at a cash register."

When they got there, the only others who were there were Liz and Tsubaki, who were currently feasting on Ben & Jerry's.

"Hey guys, what happened to Kid and Black*Star?" Maka asked.

"Yeah, they're kinda…occupied…" Liz laughed and rocky road almost flew out of her nose.

Just then, there was a huge crash from the other side of the store, and Black*Star came speeding away from it.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL KILL THAT BLUE HAIRED IDIOT!" they head Kid scream. "BLACK*STAR, WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"We really need to stop going to public places."

**HAAAA that was fun to write. Sorry if my awkward porn addition offended you :3 Hope ya liked! Review and maybe I'll let you come with us next time we go shopping together!**

**YEAH I WAS THERE, DRESSED AS A SEARS BLUE TEAM GUY! (That is Sears, right?) **

**Anyway, follow, fave, review, I love you!**


	3. Chapter 3: Smokey Bones (lol)

**After Sears and Stop & Shop, don't you think they would have learned their lesson?**

**No. no they didn't.**

**Because if they did, I'd have to stop writing this, and we can't have that now can we?**

**Sorry for any grammar mistakes, my fingers are being WEIRD. **

**Just a friendly heads up that I agree, the name Smokey Bones is completely ridiculous. You can laugh, no one will blame you. It's actually a real restaurant. So I don't own that, or SE. **

**Kudos to souleaterfangal123's restaurant idea! **

**Also, thanks to Zane-Ice-Fairy, who happens to be my socially awkward SE fangirl sis, for the inspiration! **

**K here we go!**

"Hey Kid! Kiiiiid! KID kidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidk id-" called Patty to a very annoyed Kid.

"Patty, I gave you crayons, candy AND a giraffe book! WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?" he shouted back.

"I have an idea!" she replied happily, and ran up to him.

"Oh really? And what is this idea?"

"We should take everybody out to dinner!"

"Patty, I really don't think-"

"Food? I LOVE FOOD! LET'S DO IT!" shouted a voice from down the hall, and a certain blue haired miester came running down, holding Tsubaki in weapon form. When they reached Kid and Patty, she transformed.

"Well we have to do it now!" Patty grinned, eyes wide. Black*Star nodded in agreement.

Kid sighed and muttered a few choice words under his breath.

"Fine. Under one condition! Wherever we go has to symmetrically arranged or I'm leaving! And I'm the one with the money!"

"OkokokOK! Black*Star yelled. "We'll get you your stupid symmetry!" before Kid could scold him for cursing the name of his most beloved obsession, he had ran off to inform the others.

"I really don't know about this…remember what happened at Stop & Shop…what if we get banned again?" Maka commented.

"Nah, it'll be fine! Besides, if anybody challenges me, I'm gonna take them DOWN!" he cackled, and demonstrated a few failing assassin moves. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and agreed to come.

"Black*Star you idiot, what the hell are you thinking? At this rate, we shouldn't even leave the DWMA," Soul said when Maka and Black*Star asked him to come. "Besides, I'm tired of going uncool places with you guys. Last time half of us left the store! And Maka's psycho dad bought porn! THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!"

"But there's food!" Black*Star continued.

"Yeah! Do it for Patty, please Soul?" Maka begged. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"If anything gets uncool or crazy, I'm killing someone or leaving," he said.

When they asked Crona, he was immediately terrified.

"B-but I can't handle public places! They're too loud and scary and filled with people I can't interact with!" he whined, and Maka ran to comfort him, and they convinced him and Ragnarok to tag along.

When the gang had joined together, Soul suggested a place called Smokey Bones which wasn't far from Death City. The name 'Smokey Bones' immediately roused three good minutes of Black*Star and Patty guffawing, one Maka Chop, a large sigh from Soul and Liz, and Kid taking the time to admire the symmetrical level of the hallway, and Crona shivering.

"WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP?" they heard a voice shout from deep in the hallway the sound of the screw twisting was the first sign of danger. Stein appeared, glasses glowing, a thin trail of cigarette smoke twisting upward.

"Oh, s-sorry Professor Stein," Tsubaki finally said after an awkward creepy silence. Stein rolled away on his swivel chair, and Crona shivered again.

"Let's just GO to the stupid restaurant already! I'm starving!" Ragnarok yelped, being as quiet as he could get.

"Um, guys, how are we supposed to get there?" Soul asked. "I have the motorcycle, but that's only 2 people…it's a pretty long walk…"

"I have a solution…" Kid piped up, and then stared at the ground.

**Five minutes later**

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU HAD A HUGE EXPENSIVE ASS CAR COLLECTION?" Black*Star shouted as Kid led them into the garage.

"Well I couldn't go out and say it or everyone would be stealing and crashing them!" he replied. "And I'm driving or we're not going!"

"Fine you ass!" Black*Star yelped. When they finally picked one, Kid hopped in the front and everybody else squeezed in.

"Soul, you do have directions, right?" Maka said, clashing into Liz as Kid swerved to avoid a dead possum lying on the road.

"Well…sorta…I…no," he said blatantly.

"Well how the hell are we supposed to get there?" Kid said, swerving again.

"I don't know! I sorta have the directions memorized!"

"IT'S GETTING REALLY CRAMPED IN HERE!" Liz said, frustrated at all the chaos. Patty was giggling.

"Kid, should we just let Soul drive?" Tsubaki suggested as Crona grabbed his legs up onto the seat and buried his head in his hands.

"FINE!" the car squeaked to a stop. "BUT IF YOU GET ONE SCRATCH ON THIS BEAUTIFULLY SYMMETRICAL CAR, I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" they quickly switched spots, and ten minutes later, the car was pulled into the driveway of Smokey Bones. Everyone piled out except for Liz, who was trying to wake up Patty who somehow fell asleep during all the hectic car activity, and Crona, who Maka had to pull out of the seat.

"FINALLY!" Soul said when they were seated, much to Kid's delight, at the 8th booth.

Pretty soon, a waitress appeared, smiling and ready to take drink orders.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Yeah, just don't put 7 ice cubes in Kid's water or he'll shoot you in the head, and I know from personal experience," Soul advised. The waitress' plastered on smile didn't leave her face, and her eyes didn't widen one bit as she replied, "Alrighty then."

"I do admire the symmetrical design of this place," Kid commented after everyone ordered. "Everything seems to be in place, even the…wait a second…" he shot out of the booth and ran up to a nearby shelf and began to symmetrically organize the photo frames frantically.

"KID GET BACK HERE! YOU'RE FREAKING PEOPLE OUT!" Liz called, and Crona folded into a ball.

"Including Crona!" piped up Maka.

"But the frames can be so easily organized in just a second, hold on!" Kid shouted back, not turning around. Patty was giggling and Black*Star was out of his seat yelling at a table getting a birthday song.

"Don't you dare try to steal the great assassin Black*Star's spotlight!" he shouted at the helpless table.

"Black*Star, they're not doing anything wrong you idiot! KID GET OFF OF THAT CHAIR!" Liz shouted.

"I told you guys this wouldn't end well," Soul said, face palming onto the table.

"There's too much noise in here, make it stop!" Crona cried, and Ragnarok popped out of his spine and shouted, "It's a restaurant, dummy! I'm not leaving 'till I get food!"

"There! The frames are now symmetrically arranged, thanks to-"

"SIR! You can't rearrange the design of the restaurant when you're inside it without permission. I'm going to have to ask you to sit down," a waiter in a black suit called over to Kid.

"I was just making things symmetrical! The shelf was lacking symmetry and…" as Kid rambled on to the waiter, their original waitress was back with their drinks.

"Hi guys…what the…should I come back at a better time?" she asked, eyes finally widened, as Black*Star jumped on top of the table he was yelling at, causing several small children and Crona to cry.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, don't bother coming back. You're risking your life and sanity. I suggest just leaving the building for at least an hour." Liz suggested to the confused woman.

After ten minutes of utter chaos and insanity, a manager with creepy eyes like Stein's asked them to leave. When they reached Kid's car, Soul had something to say.

"Really, we need to stop doing this. We've terrorized half the town already, forbidden to go to Stop and Shop and now here. I REFUSE TO EVER GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU PEOPLE, EVER! AND I SWEAR TO GOD, LET LIZ DRIVE! SHE'S THE ONLY OTHER SANE PERSON HERE WITH A GOOD SENSE OF DIRECTION!" Soul shouted.

"Thanks," Liz added quietly, and they drove away, Kid rambling about how he was 'correct in organizing the photo frames and just trying to help the restaurant's reputation,' Patty giggling, Black*Star shouting, and Soul realized he really couldn't stop going places with these guys.

Sorry it took so long to update :/ I've been lazy. If you review, I'll email you the video I secretly took of the whole thing because I was hiding in a potted plant being a creeper.

Love ya! ^^ thanks for reading!


	4. ATTENTION!

**ATTENTION! **

Sadly, I'm taking a break from this for 3 weeks to a month…so…yeah.

Happily, I'm writing a NEW story! (it's probably gonna fail…) Well, it's gonna be an Ouran High School Host Club and Harry Potter crossover! PLEASE take the time to check it out if you like Ouran or HP! It would mean so much! MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS!

**ALSO**

After I write the next chapter of the one shot collection, I'm writing a BIG chapter. Or in other words, SE is going somewhere BIG. (You'll hear more about it in the next update of HOSC)

HOSC= hilarious one shot collection

**BRAGGING TIME**

Guess what I got for Christmas!

A boss SE shirt AND me and Zane-Ice-Fairy ARE GOING TO ANIMECON IN BOSTON!

BLACK STAR COSPLAY BITCHES!

**So to summarize this drawn out notification, be patient for my next update, take a look at my new story, and hope you had a merry Christmas! :)**


	5. IAMSOSORRYPLEASEDONTHATEMEBUTR EADTHIS

**I was right.**

It failed.

HOSC will soon be continued! Turns out I really really really can't write anything but smart ass one shots! (fail)

**HOSC**

Next chapter shall be posted today or tomorrow! SO SORRY FOR BEING LAZY AND FAILISH!

I LOVE YOU ALL *throws marshmallows at you all*


	6. Chapter 4: Block Buster

**Omg I be so layzay.**

**What I am trying to say is that I do not update quickly and I'm sorry. I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON WHO DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVEEEEEE**

**Sorry Kid moment. **

**Anyway, I thank you ALL SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!**

**I would catch a grenade for you S.E. peeps. **

**IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENTS: **

**After this, Soul Eater is going somewhere BIG. It's gonna be epic and may take a while to write. So hold your horses.**

**Check out Zane-Ice-Fairy, because she's gonna be posting some fics that I think you guys will enjoy :) **

**Merry late Christmas/holiday or wtf ever! Hope you all got S.E. stuff like mehhh!**

**Thanks to the guest who gave me this idea :) **

It was Friday night.

_How Black*Star Feels Him and His Weapon Partner Should Be Spending Friday Nights _

"But Tsubaki, what does everyone DO on a Friday night?" Black*Star complained. "THEY WATCH MOVIES! WHICH IS WHY WE NEED TO GO TO BLOCK BUSTER!"

"Black*Star, we can't go there cuz we're broke!" She replied. "And besides, it'd take…" she stopped talking when she realized he was already out of the house and running down the street. Sighing, she grabbed her bag (of course they weren't really broke) and left the house.

_How Stein Feels About Chick Flicks _

"Marie. I swear to god. No. more. Chick flicks. I swear to god I will find the actors and dissect them," Stein threatened. Marie sighed but nodded to save the lives of her favorite actors (she didn't doubt his skills) and got in the car to head to Block Buster.

_For Once, Partners Agree_

"Maka." Soul walked into the tiny kitchen as Blair hummed and turned a pan of burning fish. "Our movie selection is seriously crappy."

"Yeah Maka, as far as I know Soul is right," Blair nodded her cat head in agreement.

"Yeah, we need to do something about that."

"Wal-Mart?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Hell no," she replied, grabbing her bag. "Blair, keep burning fish! We're headed to Blockbuster!"

"But I wanna come with!" she whined. "I'm really good at picking movies!"

Maka sighed. "You're coming with no matter what we say, right?"

"Off to Blockbuster we go!"

Thanks to Patty…

"Kid! I can't find Patty ANYWHERE!" Liz shouted out as she pulled her head out from under Patty's bed. "She disappeared!"

Kid sighed. This seemed to be happening a lot.

"I guess we're going to have to look all around Death City…for the third time…this week…" he replied, rolling his eyes.

"Don't blame me!" Liz said as she walked into the room and grabbed her coat.


	7. Block Buster PART 2!

**OH MY GAWD. I think I have some explaining to do.**

**When I posted the first part of that Blockbuster thing, I only posted half of it -_- and I just realized that now. So while I was sitting up here feeling all accomplished you guys were probably like da hell? Sooo here's the rest of SE goes to BLAWKBUSTA. Sorry for the inconvenience :)**

"Oh Soul look at this! A documentary on South African field mice!" Maka gushed as she browsed the scientific section.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Mice are uncool, Maka, they eat stuff and they smell and they'll tear holes in your…what the hell is that?"

A giggling red and black bob was hurtling towards the weapon and miester duo, closely avoiding several other customers.

"PATTTY!" they heard Kid's shouting voice down the aisle. "Just look what you're doing to those shelves! Turning them to asymmetrical scum!"

Black*Star grinned as he flipped through the slasher movies as Tsubaki looked on in horror.

"This is gonna be awesome, Tsubaki!" he shouted. But before she could respond, Liz shot over to them from a nearby corner with a crazed look in her eye.

"HAVE YOU SEEN KID OR PATTY? ANYWHERE? ANYWHERE AT ALL?" he squeaked, shaking Tsubaki's shoulders.

"Um…no…but I did hear a crash over there a few minutes ago…you okay Liz? Here Black*Star, I think she fainted, help her up…" he looked up from the magazine he had taken in replace of Don't be Afraid of the Dark and laughed.

"When did she get here? I think my awesomeness outshined her so nobody noticed."

"Papa, what in the WORLD are you looking at?!" Maka screamed. "That's disgusting!"

"Hey everybody, I think Mr. Albarn found what he was looking for!" they heard Patty call out from behind a shelf of video games.

"I think I'm just gonna go home and make some more fish…" Blair said, switched from human to cat, and pounced out of the store with a meow some might mistake for a smirk.

**Writing this at five in the morning, cuz, ya know, yolo. Jk, fuck yolo. If you guys want me to swear less, tell me and I'll make an effort to do so :) I don't own S.E., blockbuster, or the movie don't be afraid of the dark. **

**Hope you enjoyed :P**

**SECOND AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Hello again peeps. If you're clueless like me, go read my profile for more information :)**


	8. Announcements Up in Here

Guys. It has been so long. SO LONG. But I've had extreme writing block for three months about anything funny, of course I can come up with OC characters with violent backstories on the spot but no, no sir, not anywhere funny the SE pack can trod off to.

As you well know, I love using people's ideas (and giving them credit for them!) for chapters, and they usually turn out well in my opinion :P So would you beautiful little chaps review me some witty ideas for places we can go and destroy and scare the patrons of? :) Yes, I know you put ideas in previous reviews for me to form into gut busting, knee slapping candelabras of fun, but currently I have not been able to form said ideas into gut busting candelabras. Sadly.

With your help I can get off my ass and write again, mkay? So again I beg of you to PM, review, travel to Rhode Island and scream in my ear some brilliant psychological plans for HOSC, and of course I will give you credit and virtual madness sign shaped brownies.

Thank ya kindly!

-PS

Can somebody suggest an anime for me to watch I'm anime starved ok


	9. Chapter 5: Subway

**Hey. Guess what. I'M BACK BITCHES. **

**I love you all let's all go cosplaying at a mall sometime. You guys helped me get over my writer's block! I love you all with a deep passion! **

**I'd like to thank you all for your great ideas, you guys are super awesome, and thanks for the anime suggestions, too :) (I DON'T OWN SE OR ANYTHING MENTIONED IN THIS STORY MKAY WE ALL GOT THAT)**

**And without further ado, I present to you, **

**Soul Eater goes to Subway! Idea inspired by the lovely reviewer that goes by the name of tscarfe! **

"But Kiiiiid!" Patty whined. "I want to get some food, dammit!"

"Patty." Kid struggled to explain for the thousandth time. "We can't simply walk out, steal a car and drive to McDonald's or something like that."

"Yes! Yes we could!" she argued. When Liz, who was sitting in a nearby chair painting her nails, saw that the argument was going nowhere, she decided to cut in.

"Patty, why don't you just make your own food? It's much easier," she suggested.

"To hell with that!" she shouted, and sped out the door.

An awkward silence passed, and Kid said, "Should we go get her?"

"Nah. I'm sure she'll be fine."

**POTATOES MORE POTATOES YAY FOR STARCHES LINELINELINELINELINELINELINE **

_Why the hell is my phone ringing at one in the morning?_ Black*Star thought to himself, and reached to grab it.

"Patty?" he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Do you want some food?" she replied, a decisive hint of smugness in her voice.

"Hell yeah!"

"I have a plan."

Ten minutes later, Patty and Black*Star were cackling evilly, pushing a certain orange and black motorcycle out of Soul's driveway.

"So where we headed to?" Black*Star questioned.

"Subway. SO subway."

"Why Subway?"  
"Because. The walls are orange. And pumpkins and giraffes are orange."

"Good reasons Patty, good reasons." She hopped on the front of the bike, him in the back. Foot to the gas and they were on their way, neither of them possessing any knowledge on how to ride said motorcycle.

**POTATOES MORE POTATOES YAY FOR STARCHES LINELINELINELINELINELINELINE **

"Maka?" the scythe whisper shouted to the other room. "Did you hear that?" he heard a grumble, and something falling, and a few seconds later, "Hear what?"

"It sounded like a rumbling, or a rolling or something. And creepy laughter."

"Soul, you're hearing things. Go back to…" he could hear her head hit the pillow before she could finish the sentence. Still unconvinced, he rolled out of the bed and slipped out of the apartment.

A few minutes later, it hit him.

"Where the hell," he muttered, "Is my damn bike?"

_Ten seconds later_

"MAKA!"

"Jeez Soul, what's wrong?"  
"My bike has been…STOLEN!" he shouted dramatically and fell to the ground.

She frowned. "My first thought is to blame Black*Star."

_**MEANWHILE **_

"BOW BEFORE ME, LOWLY SUBWAY RESIDENTS! TREMBLE IN MY PRESCENCE!" the innocent bystanders were doing exactly that, all except for Patty, who was laughing nonstop, and trying to get a soda out of the vending machine at the same time.

"SIR! Please remove yourself from the table and-"

"HEY!" Patty screamed in realization. "I was RIGHT! The walls are the color of giraffes!" this sudden observation caused her to burst into even more obnoxious laughter. Black*Star jumped off the table he had occupied, ran to the nearest person and stole their sandwich.

"LET'S BE OFF MY FINE PARTNER IN CRIME!" he said to Patty, and together they tore through the double doors, leaving Subway and its patrons everywhere dumbstruck and terrified.

Half a mile away, Soul and Maka were tearing through central Death City, following the roaring sound of a motorcycle, and a few police sirens blaring in the same general direction.

"I swear to God, if he crashes my ride I'm hiring Stein to frame his intestines on his mantle," Soul growled, and Maka couldn't help but laugh. A few minutes later, Liz and Kid came scrambling down the street, and the two pairs almost collided.

"I think something's the matter," Liz commented as they stood on the street corner, trying to sort things out.  
"NO SHIT SHERLOCK! What was your first clue, the squealing tires or the wailing sirens?" Soul remarked sarcastically.

"We can't afford to fight at the moment!" Kid shouted to shut them up. "Can't you hear the commotion getting closer? Any minute those cops and supposedly Black*Star and Patty could come barreling-"

And just then exactly that happened.

The scene after resembled the fish Blair was constantly burning in one of the several frying pans she had destroyed over the months. Luckily, Patty and Black*Star managed to jump off before the motorcycle crashed.

"BLACK*STAR AND PATTY I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU BOTH! YOU'RE PILING YOUR CASH AFTER MARIE AND SID BAIL YOU OUT OF JAIL TO FIX THIS DAMN BIKE! THIS IS SO RIDICULOUSLY UNCOOL I COULD VOMIT!"

Maka sighed, pulled out her cell phone, and dialed Marie's number.  
"Marie? Hi, it's Maka. Sorry to bother you so late, I was just wondering if you had a few thousand dollars you could spare…we're going to need to bail a few friends out of jail."

**It feels nice to be writing again, and it's thanks to tscarfe and all my other reviewers :) Since its February Vacation, I think I can write a bit more, so keep an eye out!**

**And guys if you didn't know, Soul Eater is replacing Samurai 7 on Adult Swim at 1:30 am on Saturday!**

**Hope you enjoyed :) **

**Cheers~**


	10. Chapter 6-Water Park (Part 1)

**I bet you thought I was never gonna update this.**

**WELL I DID. I am so sorry for not updating, I've been…busy. Anyway, today we're going to a water park, courtesy of the fan..fiction..er? FireDarknessLove! Thanks for the idea :) I don't own SE or this water park called Raging Waters that actually does exist lol. well here we go!**

"So…does anybody have any money?" Awkward silence.

"I'm betting on Kid," Soul suggested.

"Yeah, I still haven't forgotten about his secret million dollar car collection," Black*Star grumbled.

Soul, Maka, Black*Star, Tsubaki, Kid, Liz, and Patty were all standing outside Raging Waters, Death City's only water park. You wouldn't expect Death City to have one in the first place. But it does.

"I suppose I could check…" muttered Kid, and stomped back to one of his cars.

"Jeez, what lit his tampon string?" questioned Patty, which caused Soul to burst out in laughter.

"Patty! That's rude!" scolded Maka. "He's probably just upset because he knows all the slides and rides aren't gonna be even."

"Excuse me, but is your party going to be giving any money or are you planning on standing there?" an annoyed attendant sitting in a red and blue striped booth outside the park asked. "You can't get in without paying."

"Yes, we're very sorry sir, our friend is going to go look for some cash right now, we hate to inconvenience you-" Tsubaki started, but couldn't finish her apologetic statement over the screaming of Black*Star. He had somehow found his way to the top of the tallest slide in the entire park. And a megaphone.

"ATTENTION! I AM THE ALMIGHTY BLACK*STAR, SURPASSER OF GODS!" Heads turned. Toddlers shivered in fear and dropped ice cream cones. Everyone in the wave pool stopped jumping to look. All the attention was only fueling his…godliness. "NOW YOU GET THE PRIVELEDGE OF WATCHING MY BRILLIANT SHOW!" At that he tossed the megaphone, probably expecting an adoring fan to catch it, and jumped off the top of the ride, slid down the slide and back flipped into the pool below.

"Who is this guy?"

"Was that supposed to be a joke or…"

"Idiot…"

"Did he hurt himself?"

A few seconds later his spiky hair popped out of the water and he laughed, then sped away.

"Wasn't he just here?" the bewildered attendant asked in shock.

"Yes he has a habit of disappearing…" Liz groaned. "I guess we're going to go find him then…"

"I already said you can't enter without-"

"THIS IS AN EXCEPTION!" He sighed and didn't bother to stop them.

When they reached the middle of the park, Maka had instructions.

"Soul and I will search the rides and pools on the right side of the park. Tsubaki, you're responsible enough to be on your own, unlike some of us," she eyed Patty, who was giggling and looking at a display of a blow up giraffe a little boy was holding a few yards away. "But since you're one person, search something smaller, such as the food stands and game displays, ok?" she smiled and nodded, happy to help. "Lastly, Liz and Patty, search the outside grounds of the park, but make sure not to not let any staff or attendants see you, alright? If they do, we're thrown out and Black*Star is left to terrorize the village." With that, they set off. Maka and Soul left the center to head to the right side of the park, Tsubaki turned towards the grease stinking food supplies, and the twins snuck through an open gate in the side of a fence leading out, attempting to resemble ninjas.

"Dammit…it's not symmetrical, God I'm awful…I deserve to die…" Kid frowned, wiping sweat from his forehead. While searching for money in his car, he had come across an extremely screwy trunk. He remembered asking Patty to put some camping supplies back there months ago. "I just can't seem to fit all the tents and coolers in a way that they can all fit and stay lined up…I sicken myself…what's wrong with me…" he slumped over the car, towards the ground. "If I can't even make a trunk symmetrical I'll never be a Shinigami…" he fell completely to the ground and began to whimper.

"Wait! Soul, did you hear that?" Maka called from her spot crouched under the beams holding up a bright pink slide.

"Hear what?" he asked, poking his head out from where he was hiding in the ride.

"Nothing…I thought I heard a faint 'yahoo…but apparently not," she replied with a sigh. "At this rate, we'll never find that idiot. I wonder how everyone else is doing…"

"NO! PATTY! NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE GIRAFFES, YOU CAN'T STEAL THAT INFLATEABLE! IT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!" Liz screeched, chasing after her sister. Patty giggled ridiculously loudly as the toddler screamed and ran to him mother, who quickly embraced him.

"You need to take better care of your companions young lady!" the woman screamed as Liz ran over to apologize.

"YAHOO!" the blue haired miester screamed as he attacked Kid. "I AM THE GREAT ASSASIN-"

"Shut up dammit! Stop making so much noise!" Kid shouted back. "Where are the others?"  
"How the hell should I know?" he said with a ferociously loud laugh. "They probably ran away from my overpowering awesomeness!"

The grim reaper sighed. "Well let's go look for them then…"

"Black*Star?" Tsubaki called out timidly from in front of an abandoned McDonald's stand. "Are you here?" she walked towards a vending machine where a young man was standing.

"Excuse me, have you seen a kid about my age with spiky blue hair anywhere?" she asked, biting her lip. The man looked up at her.

"Seen some strange people around this park, I have, I have…" his voice trailed off, as if he had lost his original thought. "But nothing…as strange, as a god jump off a slide…" Tsubaki backed away uncomfortably, ultimately deciding this man would be no help.

"Well, um thank you sir, sorry to bother-"she was interrupted by a huge crashing sound. The man's eyes shot upwards toward the sky, and he sped away in the direction of the exit.

**THE END OF PART 1!**

**WHAT WAS THAT HUGE CRASHING SOUND?**

**WHO WAS THE MYSTERIOUS VENDING MACHINE MAN?**

**WHAT IS HAPPENING TO LIZ AND PATTY AND THE INFLATEBALE GIRAFFE? **

**WHAT ARE SOUL AND MAKA DOING IN THIS SITUATION?**

**DOES ANYBODY ACTUALLY TRULY CARE?**

…**.continued in part 2 of SE at a water park :D Thank you for reading! Sorry I'm an awful updater! **


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